The four agreements

I read the first chapter of a book called The Four Agreements  before attending the leadership retreat in January of this year.  I am sure I will badly summarize what I remember of what I read, but what sticks out to me today is the part about how living by the rules of society is an agreement that we make – and that we are taught by our parents.

This week Little J turned 2.  And in the midst of all of the fun and celebration, I realized how much we were teaching him about a little thing called birthdays.  Like how you celebrate them.  And the song we all sing.  And blowing out a candle.  Wearing a party hat. Eating cake.

We started with some outside play.  Little J received a t-ball set for his birthdya last year... and well, with all of the massive heat this year, I just hadn't opened it yet.  So a year later (I know!), we opened up the box and let him play. 

The thing is though, playing t-ball isn't instinctive - like knowing to put the food in to your mouth.  There's holding the bat.  And knowing the object is to knock the ball off the stick with the other stick.  Hmmmm.

Here's Little J's first attempt:

A little later, we were getting ready for the big song.  I handed all of the kids the whistle-type noise makers.  One of our guests, who is almost 5, took great joy in showing the other kids (3, 2, 2 and almost 2) how to put your mouth around and blow. 

It took Little J a few attempts, but he figured it out.

Next comes the big cake.  He's been presented with the song and the candle before, but even when I put it in front of him tonight, there was a moment when he was looking right at me as I set the cake down, and I could tell he was very confused -- "what do I do next mom?  everyone's looking at me?"

He got it though.

Presents are whole other minefield of lessons to learn.  How to open.  How to say thank you to the person who gave you the gift.  How to move on to the next gift and not decide present #3 is awesome and ignore the fact that there are other people waiting for you to open their equally awesome gifts that you just don't know about yet.

Saying good bye is something he knows how to do well.  And I was really impressed when one of his little friends left first that (a) he noticed E was gone and (b) insisted on syaing goodbye to him.  I think we must have done well on this part of the manners department.

Birthday parties are also a lesson for me.  Last years shindig was big and loud and full of people and cake and food and... and ... and...  In doing that I learned that it is hard for me to pay full attention to Little J and to my guests.  This year we went a lot smaller, family and very close friends.  I had a chance to talk to everyone.  And I also knew that someone always had an eye on Little J.

I wonder what I will reflect on learning next year......

(c) Lessons from Cooper

Restaurant adventures

 

Gluten-free eating has its challenges.  I don't regret my choice to live gluten free – not one bit.  I have more energy, my skin is clearer, I feel better overall.  My mind is clearer since I started eating gluten free and I feel like I can actually focus on really accomplishing things.  I think I'm more involved with those around me – because I feel better and have more energy.

But there are challenges.  For instance, when I go to someone else's birthday party, I can't eat the cake that everyone else is enjoying.  Even when hosting my own son's birthday party this weekend, I won't be able to eat the cake with him.  Eating in our society is not just for nourishment… it's a way we connect with others through a shared experience. 

When I go to a conference, or planned event for work, I have to be extra vigilant.  Most of the meals are provided.  Oftentimes, even if I indicate on my registration form that I follow a gluten free diet, I am for some reason served salad with croutons, rolls, pasta and cake.  Really?  I can't eat a single thing.  Sometimes I'll risk it and pick around the food for what I can eat, but even then I know I'm risking a reaction by doing that.

So what is a reaction, you might ask?  For me, my mouth and throat  suddenly feel like I rubbed sandpaper all over it.  They also feel somewhat swollen – that feeling you get when the dentist numbs your gum… only apply it to your mouth and throat.  Not so comfortable.

I first tried to follow a gluten free diet in June of 2010.  I had no willpower to avoid the food that was all around me and I gave up.  Seven months later, still having the same type of symptoms, still getting no relief anywhere else, I tried again, and successfully avoided gluten for three days.  By that time, I knew.  I knew I felt better and that gluten had to go.

I risked it a few times in the first month.  The first time I did so, at a meal planned for me, I ended up feeling like I had had too much to drink – even though I hadn't had a drop of alcohol.  The next time, I just wanted to sleep for the rest of the day.  I quit pushing it, and stopped eating gluten for real.

One of the biggest experiences I miss from my gluten-eating days is being able to easily order something that sounds appealing to me in a restaurant.  Suddenly, pizza, pasta, flatbread, cake, cookies, pie, bread, and the like are pretty much off-limits if made with wheat flour.  Of course, there are a number of ways to prepare these items at home, and we are blessed with several well-stocked grocery stores close to us, so I can still eat mac'n'cheese, and spaghetti, and homemade cookies and the like.  But restaurants are sometimes difficult.  It also gets boring always making homemade pizza and pasta and the like.

A few weeks ago, we ventured out to Monicals pizza.  I had heard through the grapevine that a gluten-free friend of my mother's was able to order pizza there.  We stopped in.  Little J and Big J were able to order a gluten-friendly meal, and I was able to order a pizza that took me three meals to eat.  It was awesome. No issues.

I was inspired.  I did a little research to find out which restaurants in the area might have gluten-free foods. A week or two later we tried Macaroni Grill.  This scenario did not go nearly as well.

First, I asked our server for the gluten-free menu, which was advertised to exist.  Essentially, the menu she handed me included the meat only entrees, served with broccoli or asparagus.  And that was it.  I ordered the lamb.  And was promptly told that they were out.  Not really wanting to eat chicken and broccoli at a dinner out, I made some comment about having heard they had gluten free pasta.  The server was all like "yeah, we do" to which I pointed out it wasn't on the menu.  The response was some long explanation about how they are updating their menu.

Honestly.  I don't care.  I just want to order something to eat without the tedious explanation.  I ordered a pasta dish with gluten free pasta.  The manager came by the table and let us know it would be prepared separately.  Goodie!

But then, it took like an hour for our food to get there.  I could have seriously walked across the street to Marsh, bought some gluten free pasta and other ingredients, driven to my house and made the dish in the time it took them to make my pasta dish.  All I have to say is that when you have a mom with an allergy and an active toddler at the same table, don't make that mom feel like she can't eat anything you serve, and don't take an hour to bring her the food.

I took a breather from trying new places.  I maintained my routine of ordering burgers without buns or a salad at lunch.  Until I tried a new restaurant downtown, who also advertised the availability of "gluten free" on its menu.

The menu helpfully had a GF symbol next to all of the gluten free offerings, including an entire page of pizzas that can be made on a gluten free crust.  I was so excited.  For once I had tons of options!

We start to order.  The waiter says "we don't have gluten free crust" (despite the fact that it is clearly printed on the regular menu) and then proceeds to give me a long explanation about the formula.  Honestly, again, I just don't care.  What I care about in that situation is that I am hungry, I can't eat gluten, and you, the waiter, just told me that two entire pages of your three page menu – and half of another – are off limits for my lunch today.  Which goes from making me excited and happy, to being kind of sad that once again I am limited in my choices.

I ended up ordering a roasted vegetable salad that was quite tasty, and different than anything I've had in a while.  But again, it took almost 45 minutes for our salads to make it to our table – extending our lunch break to almost two hours  -- I was with a colleague and we talked shop for a good 90% of the time, but still. And, as a bonus, the manager comped both of our meals for the wait.

All of this extra waiting after pointing out I need things gluten-free makes me wonder if somehow restaurants are made at me for wanting them to serve what they advertise.   Which I just don't understand, since I am the customer, paying for the food.

Thought for the day: I'm sticking with gluten-free, but it's not an easy journey.

© Lessons from Cooper

Restaurant adventures

 

Gluten-free eating has its challenges.  I don't regret my choice to live gluten free – not one bit.  I have more energy, my skin is clearer, I feel better overall.  My mind is clearer since I started eating gluten free and I feel like I can actually focus on really accomplishing things.  I think I'm more involved with those around me – because I feel better and have more energy.

But there are challenges.  For instance, when I go to someone else's birthday party, I can't eat the cake that everyone else is enjoying.  Even when hosting my own son's birthday party this weekend, I won't be able to eat the cake with him.  Eating in our society is not just for nourishment… it's a way we connect with others through a shared experience. 

When I go to a conference, or planned event for work, I have to be extra vigilant.  Most of the meals are provided.  Oftentimes, even if I indicate on my registration form that I follow a gluten free diet, I am for some reason served salad with croutons, rolls, pasta and cake.  Really?  I can't eat a single thing.  Sometimes I'll risk it and pick around the food for what I can eat, but even then I know I'm risking a reaction by doing that.

So what is a reaction, you might ask?  For me, my mouth and throat  suddenly feel like I rubbed sandpaper all over it.  They also feel somewhat swollen – that feeling you get when the dentist numbs your gum… only apply it to your mouth and throat.  Not so comfortable.

I first tried to follow a gluten free diet in June of 2010.  I had no willpower to avoid the food that was all around me and I gave up.  Seven months later, still having the same type of symptoms, still getting no relief anywhere else, I tried again, and successfully avoided gluten for three days.  By that time, I knew.  I knew I felt better and that gluten had to go.

I risked it a few times in the first month.  The first time I did so, at a meal planned for me, I ended up feeling like I had had too much to drink – even though I hadn't had a drop of alcohol.  The next time, I just wanted to sleep for the rest of the day.  I quit pushing it, and stopped eating gluten for real.

One of the biggest experiences I miss from my gluten-eating days is being able to easily order something that sounds appealing to me in a restaurant.  Suddenly, pizza, pasta, flatbread, cake, cookies, pie, bread, and the like are pretty much off-limits if made with wheat flour.  Of course, there are a number of ways to prepare these items at home, and we are blessed with several well-stocked grocery stores close to us, so I can still eat mac'n'cheese, and spaghetti, and homemade cookies and the like.  But restaurants are sometimes difficult.  It also gets boring always making homemade pizza and pasta and the like.

A few weeks ago, we ventured out to Monicals pizza.  I had heard through the grapevine that a gluten-free friend of my mother's was able to order pizza there.  We stopped in.  Little J and Big J were able to order a gluten-friendly meal, and I was able to order a pizza that took me three meals to eat.  It was awesome. No issues.

I was inspired.  I did a little research to find out which restaurants in the area might have gluten-free foods. A week or two later we tried Macaroni Grill.  This scenario did not go nearly as well.

First, I asked our server for the gluten-free menu, which was advertised to exist.  Essentially, the menu she handed me included the meat only entrees, served with broccoli or asparagus.  And that was it.  I ordered the lamb.  And was promptly told that they were out.  Not really wanting to eat chicken and broccoli at a dinner out, I made some comment about having heard they had gluten free pasta.  The server was all like "yeah, we do" to which I pointed out it wasn't on the menu.  The response was some long explanation about how they are updating their menu.

Honestly.  I don't care.  I just want to order something to eat without the tedious explanation.  I ordered a pasta dish with gluten free pasta.  The manager came by the table and let us know it would be prepared separately.  Goodie!

But then, it took like an hour for our food to get there.  I could have seriously walked across the street to Marsh, bought some gluten free pasta and other ingredients, driven to my house and made the dish in the time it took them to make my pasta dish.  All I have to say is that when you have a mom with an allergy and an active toddler at the same table, don't make that mom feel like she can't eat anything you serve, and don't take an hour to bring her the food.

I took a breather from trying new places.  I maintained my routine of ordering burgers without buns or a salad at lunch.  Until I tried a new restaurant downtown, who also advertised the availability of "gluten free" on its menu.

The menu helpfully had a GF symbol next to all of the gluten free offerings, including an entire page of pizzas that can be made on a gluten free crust.  I was so excited.  For once I had tons of options!

We start to order.  The waiter says "we don't have gluten free crust" (despite the fact that it is clearly printed on the regular menu) and then proceeds to give me a long explanation about the formula.  Honestly, again, I just don't care.  What I care about in that situation is that I am hungry, I can't eat gluten, and you, the waiter, just told me that two entire pages of your three page menu – and half of another – are off limits for my lunch today.  Which goes from making me excited and happy, to being kind of sad that once again I am limited in my choices.

I ended up ordering a roasted vegetable salad that was quite tasty, and different than anything I've had in a while.  But again, it took almost 45 minutes for our salads to make it to our table – extending our lunch break to almost two hours  -- I was with a colleague and we talked shop for a good 90% of the time, but still. And, as a bonus, the manager comped both of our meals for the wait.

All of this extra waiting after pointing out I need things gluten-free makes me wonder if somehow restaurants are made at me for wanting them to serve what they advertise.   Which I just don't understand, since I am the customer, paying for the food.

Thought for the day: I'm sticking with gluten-free, but it's not an easy journey.

© Lessons from Cooper

The day Little J touched an elephant

Big J and I are more “experience” parents than “gift” parents.  So it shouldn’t surprise you that for Little J’s second birthday, we sought out something fun we could all do together.

Our Zoo membership paid off again, with an invite to “Paint it Out,” a Zoo fundraiser.  It was designed to appeal to the grown up crowd, with a silent auction for art, hors d’oerves , and wine.  It caught our attention, though, because of the opportunity to meet an elephant.  Really!  We get food, drinks and we get to meet the elephant?  We’re in.

We made our reservations last week, and showed up a bit early to the event tonight.  Little J had three separate chances to go up and pet the elephant. 

At first, he was somewhat scared, and didn’t want to pet the elephant.  He grasped Big J, and then did the same with me.

We stepped back, and tried again a few minutes later.  This time, Big J was able to show him how to pet the elephant and he did it!

We stepped back and let other folks have a chance.  Little J asked to go over one more time, which we did.

Afterwards, we headed inside to have some fruit and cheese.  The room with the art was clearly an adult, grown up adventure, so we headed outside to the patio.  It was a perfect night, warm and sunny.  Check out the view of the JW Marriott from the zoo:

There wasn’t nearly enough to eat (I am pregnant after all), so next we went to Buffalo Wild Wings for some real food.  Catch Little J’s face as he realizes we are right below the massive big screen tv.

I ordered him mini-corn dogs for dinner.  He proceeded to peel off the breading from each one and only eat the hot dog.  Next time, I’ll just get him the hot dog.

He dropped a crayon in his lemonade.

And generally had a good time.

We kept asking Little J if he was having a good birthday and he would smile and say “yes!”  What greater accomplishment is there than that?

© Lessons from Cooper

Accomplishment

As some of you know, I started 2011 off with a long list of goals.  I wanted to eat more healthfully and exercise regularly. I wanted to write daily on this blog.  I wanted to "clean house" of other outstanding issues in my life, be they personal, professional, financial, or familial.  I wanted to lose the baby weight and then some.  I wanted to find myself again, and leave the overworked, underfocused on the real priorities person I felt I was becoming behind.  And I wanted to do it all in 2011.

Finding out I was pregnant in April derailed the weight loss plan, at least a bit.  Since I'm supposed to be gaining and not losing, I've held on to healthy eating and exercise when I can.

I changed jobs in March to accomplish a myriad of goals.  While I won't say the new place is stress-free by any means, I am enjoying my work and those who I work with.

I've actually been able to write on this blog almost every day, and have 241 entries to show for it.  Somewhere along the way in the last few months, I decided I wanted to write a book.  At first, I thought I would write the book in 2012.  But the more I thought about it, the more I realized I wanted to test the waters in 2011. 

I gave myself the arbitrary deadline of Little J's birthday, August 25.  After all, it was two years ago tomorrow that my life definitively changed – and I changed right along with it.  It seemed a fitting date to make another change towards my future.

And so on Sunday morning, in the wee hours before Big J and Little J awoke, I uploaded by book "Wander Indiana" to Amazon.  The book is self-published, so please forgive any part that needs editing.  It is only available on Kindle at the moment, but if there is interest, I can also self-publish in paperback – I just need to set it up. 

The link to buy Wander Indiana is here.  

I've also been busy in a different writing venue in the last few weeks – one I honestly never thought I would wander down.  I self-published a short children's book in honor of Little J – Oh! The Things You Can Do!

It is available for purchase here.

My young dream to "become a writer" always centered around writing fiction.  These days, the time to create characters and places and conflict seems unattainable.  Maybe I can make that a goal for 2012! 

I am really proud of myself though, for actually writing the book and self-publishing it.  If any of you have great ideas on marketing either book, please let me know.  Maybe some day I will even make money writing…. But that may be just a dream!

Thanks everyone for your continued support!

© Lessons from Cooper

Toddlers and laundry

Little J is becoming more and more helpful every day.  Today I asked him to take his clean laundry to his room.  Apparently, I need to be more specific on where said laundry should go in his room:

When things go wrong

They can go really, really wrong in a heartbeat.

The day started out well.  I had a morning meeting and had decided to go directly to my meeting instead of heading to the office first.  So I slept in for like two whole extra hours (wow!) .  Even more exciting, Little J slept too!

I get up and start to get ready.  I was in a really good mood, given that I had gotten nine plus hours of sleep for the first time in weeks. 

And then I spoke to my other half.  And instead of pleasant, friendly, happy spouse, I had "I got up on the wrong side of the bed" spouse grumbling back at me.  All morning at the house, grumble, grumble, grumble.  Jeez… ruined my good mood pretty quickly.

Then grumbling man started questioning my ability to pack a bag for Little J for the day at Miss C's.  Did I remember this?  Did he have that?  Seriously…. I'm pretty sure our bag packing ratio is something like 4:1 – like I've packed at least 4 bags for every 1 bag grumble man packed.  But I digress.

I got out the door, with Little J, in a reasonable amount of time. I head over to Miss C's.  She's not there.  No problem, she probably took the girls to school.  I wait.  I wait.  Finally I call.  She says "Did Big J not tell you I have an appointment this morning?"

At this point it's 8:10 am.  I have a meeting, 45 minutes away, at 9 am.  Imagine the blood pressure rising.

Miss C comes to the rescue – "you can bring Little J here, my appointment's right by the house." 

Ten minutes later, I am back on the road, sans Little J, on my way to my meeting.  I make it there only a minute or two late. Whew!

(c) Lessons from Cooper

Making jam

Big J and I spent Sunday morning turning this:

into this:

We used Little J as the taste tester.

Apparently he likes it!

Last year Big J and I made blueberry jam and peach jam.  We also canned a number of fruits.  Unfortunately, most of our fruit didn't seal properly.  This year we seem to be making only jam.  MMMMMM, Jam.

We ended up giving away over half of our jam last year as Christmas presents.  Given that this year, I'm having a baby right in the middle of the Christmas season -- which pretty much means I don't plan on making piles of baked goods to give away.  This year, sorry to spoil any surprise, people are probably stuck with jam.

The process of jam making is simple, but labor intensive -- a lot of peeling and chopping.  Big J handles the cooking, filling the jars and boiling them to have them seal properly.  I take care of chopping, peeling, and clean up.  It works pretty well.  Little J likes it too, since we have him check whether or not each batch is edible.

So there it is, a pile a jam.  We plan on making more, maybe even venturing in to apple butter. 

(c) Lessons from Cooper

Making jam

Big J and I spent Sunday morning turning this:

into this:

We used Little J as the taste tester.

Apparently he likes it!

Last year Big J and I made blueberry jam and peach jam.  We also canned a number of fruits.  Unfortunately, most of our fruit didn't seal properly.  This year we seem to be making only jam.  MMMMMM, Jam.

We ended up giving away over half of our jam last year as Christmas presents.  Given that this year, I'm having a baby right in the middle of the Christmas season -- which pretty much means I don't plan on making piles of baked goods to give away.  This year, sorry to spoil any surprise, people are probably stuck with jam.

The process of jam making is simple, but labor intensive -- a lot of peeling and chopping.  Big J handles the cooking, filling the jars and boiling them to have them seal properly.  I take care of chopping, peeling, and clean up.  It works pretty well.  Little J likes it too, since we have him check whether or not each batch is edible.

So there it is, a pile a jam.  We plan on making more, maybe even venturing in to apple butter. 

(c) Lessons from Cooper

Celebrations!

Friday night we ventured out to one of many parents least favorite places: Chuck E. Cheese.  The occasion: my niece A's 4th birthday party.  I had heard stories of the noise, the throng of people, the noise, and the ick factor of hundreds of other kids bodily fluids on the games and play apperati.

Add to this the fact that I used to work for Chuck E. Cheese.  Yep.  My senior year in high school I spent my evenings and weekends hosting birthday parties, delivering pizza, keeping the salad bar stocked, wiping down the drink area and emptying the trash.  I also, on occcasion, dressed up as the big mouse.

Working there was definitely good for my bank account that year.  I also had a chance to get to know a bunch of people my age that I hadn't met before.  It was one of my first real "work" experiences, with a time card and a paycheck, as well as promotions and raises. I won't lie, it was hard work.  It was reasonably disgusting, and is largely part of why I rarely drank beer in college.  After you clean up a certain number of spilled pitchers of beer -- spilled over pizza and or birthday cake, you start to think beer (at least the cheap stuff) smells absolutely disgusting.

I also had to do a fair amount of cleaning when we were slow.  As an adult, I can say that having a clean restaurant is vital to its success.  As a teenager, I was disgusted by how dirty it all was.

So fast forward eighteen years, to the exact same restuarant where I used to work.  For starters, they've completely remodeled.  The place is much brighter than it used to be, and on the surface, much cleaner.  I don't even know if they still sell beer (a perk of being pregnant?).  I also didn't eat the pizza (a perk of being on a gluten-free diet?)

I'm also happy to report that other anticipated parts about the visit were different.  For starters, it was the first Colts home game, so the restaurant was half empty.  Not alot of kids, not so much noise.  I could keep track of Little J relatively easily, and we didn't have to wait overly long for any game or ride.  Another perk, without a lot of kids, it was pretty clean in there.

My niece and the other kids had a fantastic time.  Dancing, singing, clapping. 

The big mouse came out at birthday time.  Little J was having none of it, and shied away from Chuck E.  At the end though, I was able to convince him to pose for a picture.

Without the mass of people, and the accompanying noise, it was much nicer than anticipated.  It was quiet enough that the adults could actually talk and have a real conversation.  I got to catch up with my brothers and their wives.  I had a chance to talk to each of my nieces and nephews.  We also had plenty of space to play!  Little J had a great time on the carousel, as well as the little cars, the horse and the helicopter.

Best though was seeing how much fun my niece had... and honestly, that would have made it worth it, even if there had been noice and throngs of people.

(c) Lessons from Cooper