Perfect parenting is a myth

I try to be a good mom to Little J.  But sometimes… ok, a lot of the time, I come up short. 

Never fear, he is always fed, almost always clothed, sleeps under a roof every night in a relatively warm house wearing cozy pajamas.  We have plugs in the outlets and gates on the stairs.  We have completely childproofed the downstairs and largely childproofed the upstairs.  I try. 

I thought you all might enjoy a list of some of my latest blunders…. Most of which occurred within the last 24 hours:

1.       Let Little J ride in the big basket and not the safety-strapped seat of the shopping cart. I know. Unsafe.  He could fall. He could fall in the cart.  He could probably vault himself out of the cart.  But he had already figured out how to undo the safety strap, stand up in the seat and lean over to me …. And I was Three. Feet. Away.   I decided the big basket would be safer than the seat. 

2.       Then I let Little J try chewing gum … at 18 months.  I know.  He could choke. We were in the store (see above) and while sitting in the big basket, he opened Mommy’s purse and proceeded to pull each item out, thankfully leaving them all in the basket.  He then proceeded to pop all of the chewing gum out of the package.  It went “click” as it hit the floor.  And then he tried it. And spit it out.

3.      Leaving the store, I managed to hit Little J in the head with the car door.  As I’ve mentioned in a recent post, Little J grew an inch or two lately.  He used to be able to walk under this particular door without bumping his head.  Mommy found out yesterday that he can’t do that anymore when I opened the door, expecting it to sail over the top of his head.. instead it bumped him in the forehead.

see, it LOOKS like it's pretty far off the ground... but nope - he walked right into the corner of the door.

4.       We then moved on to stop #2 of our errand list.  Little J threw not one, not two, but three temper tantrums in the Dollar Store.  You know… where they fling themselves on the ground and cry “No” at the top of their lungs. Classy.  Especially great for the last one when I am holding my purse, and my purchases and then have to figure out how to pick up a screaming, writhing, mad toddler off of the floor.

5.      Fast forward a bit in our day.  I’m working out to Level 3 of the Jillian Michael’s torture workout.  I’m on Circuit 2, Abs, laying on my back on the floor in front of the television.  My adorable, lovable son comes out of nowhere and stomps on my face.  I screamed.  It was an instinctual response of “get your freaking shoe off of my face NOW.”  Little J immediately burst in to tears.  And, I didn’t give him a hug.  I didn’t tell him mommy didn’t mean to scare him.  I told him not to step on people’s faces. I’m not sure that was the most loving response, but it was the best I could come up with at the moment.

6.       Failure to discipline. This morning, as we were leaving the gym, Little J DID NOT want to be strapped in to his car seat. He arched. He wiggled.  He twisted from side to side. And then he hit me.  And started the whole routine over again. And then he hit me again. 

I told him “no.” Obviously, I wouldn’t hit him back.  And you can’t really put a child in time out in the car.  Total failure on my part.

7.       He ate a WHOLE BOX of cookies.  This one was a few days ago, on one of our “iced in” days.  He had a few cookies, and then a few more.  And then he started carrying around the box. And the next thing I knew, the box was empty.  If he eats this much at 18 months, how much will he eat when he is 18?  I shudder to think about the many carts of groceries he will go through each week.

So there it is.  I’m hoping today will be better.  Maybe it’s best if I just don’t take him outside the house?  No, wait a minute, that is a bad idea.  I need something beyond these four walls. Deep breaths…. Apparently my skills can only improve!

(c) Lessons From Cooper

Why the Highlander commercial bothers me

If you've watched tv over the past few months, you've probably caught the Toyota Highlander commercial a few times.  This one annoys me to no end.
Highlander Commercial

(note: I'm trying to be more tech savy... let's see if I learn anything this year)

The commercial assumes many things, and plays on these assumptions. Such as

1. The blatant assumption that an 11 year old knows more than his parents. 
Really? I know 11 year olds think this, but does Toyota have to propogate this viewpoint?

2. The assumption that the most important thing in life is to be cool
Again - really? I thought it was actually more important to be kind, to be know what you are talking about before you open your mouth, to treat others with respect - especially your parents.

3. The assumption that we need new things.
No. We don't need a new car. We especially don't need a new car just to make an 11 year old happy.

I think I am most bothered by the assumption that the parents... who could be hardworking, decent folks, who just want to save money for college funds and retirement instead of buying a new car... are somehow lacking. 

I hope I can teach my son that it is character, not possessions, that make a person.  That it is more important to save and be prepared for the big things in life, than to spend it all on the flash things.  And that it is cruel to make fun of people just because they don't drive a certain type of car... and that there is never a reason to be cruel.

We'll see how I do.

A plea for forgiveness

I have an admission to make. A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, I used to wonder what stay at home moms did all day.   Pre-child, I understood that raising children was important... but it just seemed like after a while there wouldn't be much to do... wouldn't you get bored?

Less than 18 months after bringing my own child in to the world, I am ready to admit I was wrong, wrong, wrong.

Right after Little J was born, I had a brief fantasy about "working from home" either part or full time... it couldn't be that hard.  After all, my one month old took three naps a day!  I had plenty of time on maternity leave to keep up with my email, do the laundry, keep the house clean.

And then Little J became mobile (about eight months ago) and increasingly vocal (for about a year now)  and any fantasies about being able to accomplish forty - or even twenty - hours of actual work from home have gone right out the window ... where they belong!

Watching Little J is a full-time, all hands on deck, physical and mental encounter.  It not only involves alot of up the stairs, down the stairs, pick Little J up, put him down, get on to the floor to play, get up from the floor to get more juice. It also involves a lot of "he could hurt himself if"... if he puts his finger in the electrical socket, if he pushes his high chair over to the counter to get something from the middle and then kicks it out from under him, if he climbs from the toilet to the sink in his never-ending quest for toothpaste, if he swallows more than a pea sized amount of toothpaste, if he climbs on the glass coffee table and falls through, if he climbs on something and tries to climb over the banister, if....

(note: Little J has attempted all of the above and more)

I find that even when he goes down for his ever-shorter nap time, I am so exhausted - physically AND mentally, that all I want to do is rest while he does.  As for substantive work... it doesn't happen.  I respond to email, but that's about it.  I might wish I could do more, but I can't do more work AND pay adequate attention to my child.

And that doesn't even count the things I should do more of.  I should read him more than 1 or 2 books a day, I should take him to the playground when it is warm out, I should spend more time each day focusing not just on meeting his physical needs (is he clean? is he fed? is he thirsty? is the house clean enough to ward off pests?) but also focusing on his emotional needs, his educational needs, and yes, his spiritual needs.  I should institute a bedtime routine, a prayer routine, a...

There are so many things I want to do with him, so many things I want to teach him, and so very little time to do everything.

I realize that very soon Little J will not require 100% of my attention whenever we are home, that someday in the not-so-distant future he will want to watch television for an hour instead of talk to mommy...  and so I know I need to cherish this time, because I will miss his attention when it is gone.

So I end with this.  It is much harder being a parent than I ever imagined it to be.  And full time, all day, all night child care is an all encompassing endeavor that should not be embarked upon lightly.  I am continuously grateful for the help I have - from my partner in this adventure and in life, Big J, to the most Awesome Miss C, John's daytime care provider, to the others we count on from time to time so we can get out in the evening.

But again, I must beg for forgiveness.  I didn't know.  I didn't understand.  And now I do - or at least I understand better.

(c) Lessons from Cooper

Another gush of pee

So this post definitely is in the "TMI" category... so stop reading if you aren't interested or are easily offended.

The Midwest has been blanketed in a thick coat of ice over the last 2 days.  This morning, Big J got all bundled up and went outside to warm up the cars, scrape them off, and shovel the driveway. 

While he was slaving outside, I took care of Little J and let Jillian Michaels kick my a** in Level 2 of the 30 day shred.  Afterwards, Little J and I got cleaned up, bundled up and went outside for some fresh air.

First, let me note that the ice is so thick in our front yard that I can walk on top of the snow.  I don't think I've been able to walk on top of snow, without braking through the top layer of ice in roughly 25 years.  Hopefully this reinforces the concept of exactly how thick the ice is out there.

Little J appeared to enjoy the trip outside for the first 5 steps.  Then he fell the first time, the second time and the third time.  The third time he landed on his back.  He kicked his legs a bit... reminded me of a turle on his shell, or the little kid in A Christmas Story. He did not look so happy about my brilliant idea of getting some fresh air.

 I got him back up and tried to walk around the truck to the end of the drive to check out Big J's progress (which, I am sad to report, did not amount to much... despite how much effort he was putting in).  I managed to keep Little J upright until we hit the sidewalk portion of the drive.  Little J took another spill... and then I went down.

I fell hard.  On the ice.  On my right arm (which still tingles a bit, eight hours later) and hip.  And it happened.  The pee.

One of the biggest "secrets" of motherhood... the pee issues that can plague a mom after giving birth.  At first, I thought this was just my problem.  And then I found out that I wasn't alone.  I realize it's a bit embarassing... but I really wish someone would have told me this **before** I got pregnant.  I've learned to deal with it - I slip one of the "protective" pads in when I know I might be entering a potential situation... like exercise class.  I've been told this issue improves with time and that I should be *patient.*  Patience is a virtue I don't really have. I'm working on it.  Really.

So yes, I'm on the ground, I hurt and I just peed my pants like a first grader... great!  A little effort later, Little J and I are back in the house, in the entryway,  peeling off the layers.  Just as I get my pants off, Big J opens up the front door, wide. 

Great!  Let's just show off to the neighbors.

*sigh*

The end.


(c) lessons from cooper

Green Living Post #1: Reducing Trash

A few weeks ago  I was talking to a small group of people about this and that.  I realized that a few years ago I stood at a fork I saw in the road, and I consciously chose to walk down a slightly different, parallel path.

I started reading Colin Beavin's blog No Impact Man sometime in 2007.  On my birthday in 2008, he posted this entry:  42 ways to not make trash.  http://noimpactman.typepad.com/blog/2008/04/lv-grn-42-ways.html

I won't claim to follow all 42... in fact, since having a small child I will admit that in some ways it is harder than ever to not make trash.  But it is possible.

Big J and I both take our reusable water bottles (Nalgene and Klean Kanteen) to work each day. We don't buy bottles of water.  However, we are both soda addicts, and haven't been able to completely kick that habit.

I've signed up on the "end junk mail" list, and we recycle the junk mail, newspapers and magazines that do end up in our house.  But we haven't made a big switch to chemical free household cleaning products.  I tend to prefer natural or organic personal hygiene products, but we definitely haven't made the leap to pure baking soda - and I really don't think we will

Our city has curbside recycling service for aluminum cans, steel cans, glass and plastic.  Big J and I do not avail ourselves of this however, because there are several places around our metropolitan area where you can take more than just these items.  We recycle cardboard, and paper, as well as the aluminim cans, steel cans, glass and plastic. 

Overall, our family of three produces one large garbage bag every other week or so... which, from watching the amount of trash others put out, appears to mean we produce only about half as much trash in the average week.

There are ways we'd like to improve.  While we do use cloth diapers for Little J (which will get its own post later!), we also occasionally use disposable diapers.  I look forward to him becoming completely potty trained so this isn't an issue at all.

We also have talked about investing in a worm bin to eat up all of the food scraps that currently go in the disposal, as well as the paper towels, coffee filters and coffee grounds.  A bonus of the worm bin is the ultra-rich fertilizer we can then use in our garden.

We rarely eat takeout, so that isn't an issue.  But I like to have a few conevnience foods on hand for those busy nights that happen... and one little box can create quite a bit of trash.

I've learned alot in the last three years of trying to have less impact on the planet.  The biggest lesson: life is a journey, not a destination.  Each day I can try to make decisions that benefit, rather than hurt the planet.  I can make these decisions for my own health, the health of my son, my husband, our world.  I can't make decisions for other people. 

I can only live by example, and demonstrate that while it may take thought and planning to treat the world a little better, it's actually not so hard.

Timeout!

This thing called timeout is **supposed** to work.  It's **supposed** to be a good, healthy behavior modification tool for kind, loving parents.

It totally doesn't work on Little J and plugs.  He is fascinated with electrical plugs -- and has been ever since he could scoot his little body across the floor, pull himself up and check it out.

He's figured out how to remove most of the plastic covers - and those actually don't really interest him much anymore.  No, now he is much more interested in unplugging and plugging back in -- as in unplugging the mixer from the outlet in the kitchen, right before Daddy starts to use it... as in unplugging the laptop when it only has 1% battery left and Mommy is trying to send an email.

I'm a little worried about this obsession of his.  I don't want him to electrocute himself.  And even though we watch him pretty closely, he is sneaky about his plug obsession... and really fast too! One minute he's next to you, quietly playing and the next he's across the room, putting the lamp cord back into its outlet.

We started trying to stop the behavior with a hand tap and a no.  We moved on to timeout about 7 months ago... with no success thus far.  I don't get it.  He's been warned about the timeout... and yet everytime we catch him, it's like the worst punishment in the world has befallen him. But he STILL re-offends.

I'm a little worried because if he won't listen to us on this, how can we teach him that he needs to listen to us on other stuff.  Any ideas?

Lazy Sunday mornings

I love mornings where I have the privilege of driving across Eagle Creek.

For one thing, I am forced to acknowledge the beautiful world we live in.  It just gives me a second to stop, pause, and say thank you.

It also gives me a chance - however short - to reflect on the changing seasons.  In winter, the reservoir is iced over and all of the trees are frosty. 

Soon, it will be Spring and everything will turn light green... and then it will be Summer.  The water levels will drop, the fishermen will be out.  Then it's Fall, and we're treated to glorious colors just for driving by.

I don't know why I love Eagle Creek so much...  but it's always a treat when I can work the bridge in to my day.